Decisions and Resolutions

Yesterday, I received a phone call.  “Do you want to have another child?  You have 48 hours to decide.”  Well, that’s not exactly what she said, but she did tell me that there was more “stuff” available from my son’s donor if we wanted it.  We had 48 hours to decide.  Wow.  What do you say to that?  We love our son so much.  He is amazing!  Would we love to have another Miller? Yes.  Would we love a daughter?  Yes. Yes.  Do we want the chaos that comes with more children? Um.  Do we have the funds to support another child?  No. 

I always wanted at least two children.  I wanted a table full of muddy, sticky, funny faces.  I wanted a big car and big car trips.  I wanted enough money to take care of all of us in style.  I wanted, I wanted, I wanted.  I met the love of my life in 2001.  We committed to be forever and start a family.  We love our careers and we love each other.  We chose to take parenthood one step at a time and we continue to do that.  We had one successful birth (although I could have died a few hours after when I was bleeding out) and a healthy, fabulous child.  We didn’t want to rush into another pregnancy and child until we got to know this one and figured out this parenting thing a bit.  Well, two and half years later we did try again. Twice.  It didn’t “take” so we had a serious conversation about our future.  Did we want to spend money we didn’t have and take emotional time away from our child and each other trying to get pregnant?  We decided – no.  It was a really hard conversation and decision, but we love being a family of three.  Now that he can ride his bike, tie his shoes and entertain himself on a Saturday morning when we are still in bed – we can take him anywhere!  We just flew to DC for five days and had a blast together.  Have one child – will travel. 

We are so content, well I was until yesterday’s phone call.  It made me remember my dream of a big family and the picturesque life I thought I’d have (secretly, no one has that, I’m just saying.)  I spent much of the day reminding myself of our decision two and half years ago and why we made it.  My partner sent me a text when I told of her of the call, “We’re good though, right?”  I replied, “Totally.”  We are good.  We’re really good.  I get asked, “When are you going to have another one?”  or “So this is your first?”  For a myriad of reasons, he is our first and only.

So my New Year’s Resolution or one of them is to continue to love, embrace our family of three and to not put us back on the waiting list if more "stuff" becomes available at a later date.I believe God will give us a table full of muddy, sticky, funny faces – they just won’t live under our roof. 

Jeremiah 29:11 – I know the plans I have in mind for you, declares the Lord; they are plans for peace, not disaster, to give you a future filled with hope.

Lauren Boyd
Director of Programming and Membership at PHUMC
Partner to Candi and Mother to Miller who is 5