Does it really get better?

Does it really get better?

(No, I’m not talking about the LGBT anti-bullying initiative, which is a wonderful program that I fully support.)

With every struggle I’ve experienced as a parent, I’ve received encouragement from a variety of sources. People are incredibly gracious, and parents, as a group, seem to be extraordinarily empathetic. Every parent I know seems to have a soft spot for the struggles of other parents, particularly those parents who have kids younger than their own.

My daughter is 8-1/2 months old, but I already find myself in the position of veteran among some friends and acquaintances. My heart goes out to every parent (or would be parent) who has a younger baby than I do. I’ve gotten to the point where some of the parents at the library storytime have babies who are younger than my daughter. I hear their struggles, and I feel for them, especially if I have experienced the particular struggle they describe. I know what it’s like to have a baby who rolls over pretty early, only to have the skill disappear for more than two months. I know what it’s like to be anticipating and fearing the transition to solid foods.

In my own struggles, I’ve noticed a recurring refrain among parents with babies/kids older than mine:

“I promise it gets better.”

Does it?

Honestly, that’s one piece of advice that I don’t like to give. I think it’s more accurate to say:

“Parenting is hard. The thing that’s hard to deal with right now may be a phase, or it may just be a part of parenting that you get used to.”

To put it another way:

“It gets different.”

In a way, however, I suppose it really does get better. You become more attuned to your child’s needs, and your child gets better at communicating what her needs are as she gets older.

Every day is new, and my experience of a parenthood struggle has as much to do with me and my ability to be patient, weather change and accept uncertainty as it does with my daughter’s actual behavior. I’d also say that in my experience, every week seems to bring a new phase, or a regression, or a new skill, or a new wrinkle.

All I know for certain is that I love my daughter and that parenting is hard and that each kid is different and that none of us really know what we’re doing and everything about parenting is always changing.

More and more, I think that the key to being a parent is learning to accept change and to not get too freaked out about it.

To be honest, the only thing that’s really getting better is my willingness to accept that fact.